Saying goodbye to my sweet Heather

The details in this are very tender and dear to me. I write these things down so I can always remember the love I felt and the sweet moments I had with my sister before she passed.

Last picture taken of the four of us.

I found out on July 1st that my sister was near death. My dad called while we were in Colorado and told me "Ashlee she is waiting for you". I just burst into tears and started packing our bags. We drove through the night that night from Colorado to Utah. It took us 9 hours. When we got to Utah we picked up my parents and went straight to the hospital. Seeing my sweet sister Heather hooked up to all these machines broke my heart. However, I tried to keep it together so I didn't cry in front of her. I didn't want to worry her. She was nervous when we first got there as I sat with her and Brittany. She asked for Kyle by motioning with her hands. It took Britt and I a few guesses but once we got it she calmed down. I tried to tell her stories, it was so hard without her being able to respond. I got worried I was talking too long of a turn and knew my mom would want to see her. I said "Heather I'm going to switch mom, I know she wants to see you" Heather started to shake her head "no". So I asked her if she wanted me to stay and she confirmed yes with a nod. I almost burst into tears right there. I said "of course sis, I would stay forever if I could" (you could only have 2 visitors at a time in her room). In my heart I knew this was bad. I knew she was in so much pain and it broke my heart. Later that night I got to be with her again. She held up and "I love you" sign with her hands and it was the sweetest moment. For her to muster up the energy to do that was purely amazing. On Friday July, 3rd (the next day) my mom and I went back in the morning. Kyle told us he only wanted visitors in the morning so he could have as much time alone with Heather as possible. While I sat with Heather I put lotion on her feet and legs. We were supposed to wear gloves (for risk of infection for us) but I couldn't. I needed Heather to feel my hands, feel my warmth. Show her I love her so dearly. After that visit Kyle said we could visit Heather with our spouses one last time. Phil and I had a sweet visit with her. We told her stories about the boys, reminisced on old memories, and tried to keep the mood light. I did not want to add to any she already had. At one point Phil told Heather about a Darth Vader bobble head Owen wanted and she laughed!You could not hear it but could tell by the movement in her shoulders. Through all of this I could still feel her quick wit. I showed her a picture of her and Kyle from 8 years ago. Kyle said, " man, I have gotten old" I said, "I don't know, I think you look the same" Heather shook her head "no" and we all laughed. Pretty funny. One of the most tender things about these visits was that she was refusing pain meds so she could be coherent when I visited. Talk about pure love. When it was time for me to leave I didn't say goodbye. Just told her we are so blessed to be sisters and that l love her, my boys love her and we know how much she loves us.

The next morning on July 4th, Kyle sent us a text saying that she had returned to Heaven early that morning. So many emotions, immense pain, sadness, relief that she was no longer in pain and much more. The days leading up to her funeral were so hard. I cried at so many random places (still do). We had to get Phil a suit for the funeral since his were in Texas. And when the salesman handed me the suit I burst into tears. They were just rolling and I kept thinking how is this real? We are at a mall shopping for clothes for my sisters funeral. Just so upsetting. My mom kind of volunteered me to speak at the funeral. I was so nervous and didn't think I wanted to but I am so glad I did. All of Heather's nieces and nephew sang "A Child's Prayer". A song that has been so tender to our family and we sang it at my Grandma's funeral when we were in elementary. I sing it all the time ti my kids and Heather would sing it for comfort and to her nieces and nephews. Wesley did such a good job and sang his heart out. He is pretty sad about Heather being gone. We had a family night before the funeral about death and you could tell he felt the spirit and really understood what this meant and where his Auntie Heather was. On the night of the viewing he sat in one spot for nearly 45 minutes. She loved her kids and love love and miss her dearly. One night when we got home Wesley said a prayer and asked 3 times if " we can please have fun with Auntie Heather again". My kids just adore her and it hurts not having her here. I need her. It is so hard to picture the rest of my life on this earth without her. I am so thankful for the Plan of Salvation and for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know I will see her again and can feel her love around me. She continues to surprise me and I find out new things every week. She didn't let her disease define her and was determined to live a beautiful and full life. And she was successful. We love you sweet sister.